How often have you found yourself in serious need of some Shakespeare but depressingly short on time? Never again! Keystone Montessori’s resident acting companies are pleased to present 60 Second Shakespeare: bite sized bits of the Bard ready to sustain a play hungry populace until the full text can be given due consideration. This week’s offering includes a modern reworking of Macbeth Act I: 5-7 courtesy of the FAYZ as well as carefully abridged version of the text itself from the Jackalope Hunters. Enjoy!

The FAYZ presents:

Act 1. 5. Inverness. Macbeth’s Castle
Enter Lady Macbeth, reading a letter
Macbeth (by letter): Dear Honey, awesome stuff happened! Some witches said I’m gonna be king and I’ve been made the thane of Cawdor; so let’s kill the king!
Lady Macbeth: You don’t have the evilness to do this!
Enter Servant
Servant: The king’s coming.
Lady McB: That’s crazy.
Servant: Nuh-uh, he sent a guy ahead.
Lady McB: Spirits give me strength and make me more like a man for this evil deed I’ll do tonight! Don’t let heaven stop me! Macbeth will be great!
Enter Macbeth
Macbeth: Duncan’s coming and will leave tomorrow.
Lady McB: He’ll never leave. You have to not look so guilty. I’ll handle the rest.

Act 1.6 Before Macbeth’s Castle
Enter Duncan, Malcolm, Donalbain, Banquo, Lennox, Macduff, Ross, Angus and Attendents
Duncan: Nice castle.
Banquo: I agree.
Enter Lady Macbeth
Duncan: Here comes our hostess! Sorry for the inconvenience.
Lady McB: No trouble at all; you honor us.
Duncan: Where’s Macbeth? He go here fast.
Lady McB: Glad to have you here.
Duncan: Take me to Macbeth. He’s awesome.

Act 1.7. Macbeth’s Castle
Enter Macbeth
Macbeth: I’m not certain I wanna kill Duncan.
Enter Lady Macbeth
Lady McB: Have you punked out?
Macbeth: No! Doing it is unmanly though.
Lady McB: Not doing what you said you would is unmanly. If I was breast feeding a baby, I’d pluck my breast out of his mouth and smash his brains out if I said I would.
Macbeth: What if we fail?
Lady McB: We won’t! I’ll get his servants drunk and then we’ll kill Duncan.
Macbeth: I hope you don’t have daughters because they won’t be anything feminine. Won’t people think the servants did it?
Lady McB: Duh!
Macbeth: OK, let’s do it! Let’s go act like we don’t wanna kill him.

The Jackalope Hunters Present:

Act 1.5. Inverness. Macbeth’s Castle
Enter Lady Macbeth, reading a letter
Lady Macbeth (reading): ‘…these weird sisters saluted me, and referred
me to the coming time, with ‘Hail, king that shall be!’
Enter Macbeth
Macbeth: Duncan comes tonight.
Lady M: And when goes hence?
M: Tomorrow as he purposes.
Lady M: O, never
Shall sun that morrow see!
…bear welcome in your eye,
Your hand, your tongue: look like the innocent flower,
But be the serpent under’t.

Act 1.6. Before Macbeth’s Castle
Enter Duncan, Malcolm, Donalbain, Banquo, Lennox, Macduff, Ross, Angus and Attendents
Duncan: This castle has a pleasant seat.

Act 1.7. Macbeth’s Castle
Enter Macbeth
M: If it were done when ’tis done, then ’twere well
It were done quickly: if the assassination
Could trammel up the consequence, and catch
With his surcease success; that but this blow
Might be the be-all and the end-all here…
He’s (Duncan) here in double trust;
First, as I am his his kinsman and his subject,
Strong both against the deed; then, as his host,
Who should against his murderer shut the door,
Not bear the knife myself.
Enter Lady Macbeth
Lady M: What beast was’t, then,
That made you break this enterprise to me?
…you were a man… and you would
Be much more than a man.
When Duncan is asleep,
What cannot you and I perform upon the unguarded Duncan?
What not put upon
His spongy officers, who shall bear the guilt
Of our great quell?
M: Will it not be received,
When we have mark’d with blood those sleepy two
Of his own chamber and used their very daggers,
That they have done’t?